Testing Fears

This coming weekend is my second weekend of classes. I'm excited and looking forward to it. I hope that after the second weekend I come home as buzzed as I did after the first weekend!

However, fear is creeping in. I have my first test this weekend.

The test is in Professor Haunschild's Managing People and Organizations (ENM380.1). Technically, Professor Haunschild calls this a "quiz" but there are only two quizzes in the semester and together they make up 62% of my grade. Call it what you will, but it sounds like a mid-term to me.

I've not taken a mid-term for 18 years. And I've never taken a test over material like this.

I did, in fact, take the PMI PMP certification test two years ago. And I did just take the GRE. However, those are very quantitative tests. Or maybe the better word is objective. The test questions are multiple choice or true/false because the material is a set of concrete facts which either I know or do not know. I understand how to study for tests on material like that: I memorize lists of things, learn definitions and formulas, and become deeply ingrained with fundamental concepts.

But the material that Professor Haunschild has covered in class and in our reading is very different than anything I have ever studied. There are a lot of lists of things which I could memorize - lots and lots of them. Examples include techniques for brainstorming, types of teams, characteristics of effective virtual teams, types of networks, and network problems. But to my 40-year-old brain, those lists look insurmountable. I feel like I would be more likely to climb Everest than to memorize all that stuff. But most of what we've covered is soft, subjective, general concepts. It's not so much hard, measurable facts.

So I'm guessing there are two possibilities for what Professor Haunschild expects on my test. One is expressing general understanding of the concepts and how they relate to each other and perhaps to my real-life experience. If this is the case, then I should do great on the test. What she will be looking for is well-written general summaries of what we have discussed. I write well, I've paid attention in class, and I understand the concepts. The other possibility, however, is far grimmer. She may expect me to regurgitate the specific words used to discuss each topic we've covered. In that case I am doomed.

I'm a concepts man. I deal in meaning and intention and ideas. In my mind, everything we've discussed in class is arbitrary and relative. For example, last night I read about five informal network patterns that can cause organizational ineffectiveness. I understand and agree with the meanings and consequences of these network patterns. However, I think it's completely arbitrary that the author picked out those five particular patterns. The author ignored at least three other network patterns I've seen in my experience which are at least as common as these five.

So I'm feeling afraid of this test. I don't know what to expect of the test, and yet I have very high expectations for myself. After all, I'm an intelligent, resourceful, capable man. I expect myself to do much better than average both on this test and in life in general. I see this test as a dark unknown which could smash my expectations for high personal performance. And smash my personal self-worth and pride.

And I can think of nothing so scary as that.